the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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