And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
