Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
