Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
