Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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