Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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