Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
