Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(252): View more from North Carolina

We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?

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(509): View more from Washington

I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.

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(248): View more from Michigan

That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth

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(619): View more from California

Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day

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(404): View more from Georgia

my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!

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