You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
