im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
