He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
