Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
