Barsexuality is the new black.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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