They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
