my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
