Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
