Fine. I'll sleep in my office
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
