This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
