i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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