did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
