you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
