RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
