I heard we made out
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
