unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
