i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Mom said you looked used
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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