i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
