Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
