Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
