she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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