No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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