when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
