Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
