My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
