6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
