um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
