Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
