So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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