why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
