He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
