The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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