doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
