u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
