i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
