I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
