He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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