awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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