Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sext me about skeletons
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
