you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
