If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
