dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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