omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
