After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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