Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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