Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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